hi all,
as all of u who r reading my blog knows, i have been quite irregular in posting here... and that i will only post when something really significant moves me to write. and for a few of my friends who have been in contact with me, u'll sure know that i already have a gf, yes, she's the girl L i have mentioned before in the past few postings... and if u have not forgotten that eventhough things has been going on great between me and her, we still cant take away the issue of religion from our lives... that her parents will only allow her to date and marry a christian guy. this is the only issue bugging us all this while yet in everything else, things has been wonderful for the past half year...although there are some incidents which i dont feel like mentioning in this blog...
"so what's so big with the religion difference? as long as both of u loved each other,nothing will get in the way!" a friend of mine advised... however yes, it shall be true, if we lives in a perfect world. in reality, she wanted to be filial and obeying to her parents as much as i am to my parents. and last week all of a sudden she told me that she's seeing a christian guy, let call him R. for the past one week, i have been going thru hell.... one moment i felt sorry and pity for myself that i cant be the one for her, that i should let her go to someone who can fulfil her and her parents' expectation... on the other hand i cant let her go... not to someone who i know will hurt her one day....i loves her so much, i cant bear to see the day comes... i dont know how and why but i had a bad feeling for this guy, and i managed to predict his every move or things he's gonna say to her. i have told her my 2cents worth of wat i have thought of him, and i kept a neutral view as to not being biased and deny her right to choose fairly. call me stupid, call me paranoid or call me desperate, i'm not letting her go, at least not to a guy like him...
i cant find any other words that i can describe what i've been thru this whole week.... one moment i am full in spirit being with her, i'd do anything so as long to keep her out of R's reach... one moment next, i felt like a total loser... i'm so down i cant even think straight... i'm so lost.... i have tried so hard to win her heart back... i've done everything i could, except meeting R up and bash him senseless... no i'm not doing that nor i intend to... i'm not an unreasonable beast, all i can do now is to compete fairly like a modern thinking man should.
i've talked to her about this... many talks and some arguments... stil, i cant do anything should she choose the other guy over me. the fact that she has a liking for R has already told me that i have lost half the battle even before the war starts... if not because of hickups on R's side(his attitude problem), i guess i've already lost the war without even knowing there is one...
i'm supposed to be going down to pj to see her just now, even have dinner and i planned to go pasar malam with her tonite. she promised me that we would. and i know that she'd be seeing R in the afternoon right before me. half an hour before i'm about to meet her, she called me and cancelled our meet. should i say anything more? i guess anyone of u would know wat this means... as i'm writing this down, my heart feels like it has been hit by a warhammer... shattered to dusts.... eventhough i must tell u the fact that she'd still be seeing me tomorrow... but i am terrified... that she might will also cancel tomorrow's meet...
even though she had kept telling me to have faith in her, i cant steer my thought away from thinking about this again and again. she said she havent made her decision yet (thanks to R's constant bugging) and will only make her decision next week, i dont have confidence that she'd come back to me... my mind is so blurred now, i dont even know what i'm having in my mind now.... i dreaded next week... i'm so lost, confused and i cant do anything.... and to remind myself that i have 2 assignments due next week... of which i havent even start working on.... i cant concentrate on doing it.... fikiranku bercelaru...
as all of u who r reading my blog knows, i have been quite irregular in posting here... and that i will only post when something really significant moves me to write. and for a few of my friends who have been in contact with me, u'll sure know that i already have a gf, yes, she's the girl L i have mentioned before in the past few postings... and if u have not forgotten that eventhough things has been going on great between me and her, we still cant take away the issue of religion from our lives... that her parents will only allow her to date and marry a christian guy. this is the only issue bugging us all this while yet in everything else, things has been wonderful for the past half year...although there are some incidents which i dont feel like mentioning in this blog...
"so what's so big with the religion difference? as long as both of u loved each other,nothing will get in the way!" a friend of mine advised... however yes, it shall be true, if we lives in a perfect world. in reality, she wanted to be filial and obeying to her parents as much as i am to my parents. and last week all of a sudden she told me that she's seeing a christian guy, let call him R. for the past one week, i have been going thru hell.... one moment i felt sorry and pity for myself that i cant be the one for her, that i should let her go to someone who can fulfil her and her parents' expectation... on the other hand i cant let her go... not to someone who i know will hurt her one day....i loves her so much, i cant bear to see the day comes... i dont know how and why but i had a bad feeling for this guy, and i managed to predict his every move or things he's gonna say to her. i have told her my 2cents worth of wat i have thought of him, and i kept a neutral view as to not being biased and deny her right to choose fairly. call me stupid, call me paranoid or call me desperate, i'm not letting her go, at least not to a guy like him...
i cant find any other words that i can describe what i've been thru this whole week.... one moment i am full in spirit being with her, i'd do anything so as long to keep her out of R's reach... one moment next, i felt like a total loser... i'm so down i cant even think straight... i'm so lost.... i have tried so hard to win her heart back... i've done everything i could, except meeting R up and bash him senseless... no i'm not doing that nor i intend to... i'm not an unreasonable beast, all i can do now is to compete fairly like a modern thinking man should.
i've talked to her about this... many talks and some arguments... stil, i cant do anything should she choose the other guy over me. the fact that she has a liking for R has already told me that i have lost half the battle even before the war starts... if not because of hickups on R's side(his attitude problem), i guess i've already lost the war without even knowing there is one...
i'm supposed to be going down to pj to see her just now, even have dinner and i planned to go pasar malam with her tonite. she promised me that we would. and i know that she'd be seeing R in the afternoon right before me. half an hour before i'm about to meet her, she called me and cancelled our meet. should i say anything more? i guess anyone of u would know wat this means... as i'm writing this down, my heart feels like it has been hit by a warhammer... shattered to dusts.... eventhough i must tell u the fact that she'd still be seeing me tomorrow... but i am terrified... that she might will also cancel tomorrow's meet...
even though she had kept telling me to have faith in her, i cant steer my thought away from thinking about this again and again. she said she havent made her decision yet (thanks to R's constant bugging) and will only make her decision next week, i dont have confidence that she'd come back to me... my mind is so blurred now, i dont even know what i'm having in my mind now.... i dreaded next week... i'm so lost, confused and i cant do anything.... and to remind myself that i have 2 assignments due next week... of which i havent even start working on.... i cant concentrate on doing it.... fikiranku bercelaru...
posted by Andrew at
11:20 pm
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