Hi all,
it has been 5 days since me n L has officially broke up... and within this 5 days, it has been very hard for me... i dont know about her, maybe she'd have R's company when she feels lonely, but truth is, i had none... i didnt know for sure what she thinks of our break up, but to me it's a bitter pill to swallow... and over this 5 days, after i scrolled thru my phonebook, i realised that i have no one to turn to, to pour my heart out and cry without reservation, save for only her...
however over the course of this 5 days i had mourned this, i too, have accepted the fact that me n her are no longer together... and every time i have flashbacks on my mind on how much i've loved her and times we've spent together, i prayed to the Lord, and i found myself calmer after every prayers.... on the net i've met some nice ppl who had offered me some advice and words of consolation and hope, and they promised to to pray for me too, so that i could be strong and take it as Lord's test for me... they said wat happened to me is not as serious and painful as some of them had gone thru, but as long as i put my faith and believe in His plan for us, i shall make it thru, like wat they had done. another person said something L had said to me before too... that if we r really meant for each other, God shall preserve us. i do hope that we can be together again... that i shall be the only man for her and vice versa.
i remembered i used to be a member of this yahoo online groups where christian youths from all over malaysia gathered and make friends. joined this group after a friend sent me a link, during my form 6 period when i was still having conflict with my parents... after years of non activity from me, i re-joined & visited it again last nite and i found myself pretty much welcomed by them, again... messages of consolation came pouring in, especially one from a young pastor in sitiawan, "one shall never lose hope no matter how hard times seems to be, for the darkest hour of the nite comes right before the dawn of a new day. keep your hope alive and pray hard, for the Lord has mercy for everyone who comes to Him." a few (quite pretty girls) even wanted to know more about me,(gosh, shudn't have put my photo online) and be "friends" with me but i dont think i'm ready for other "friend"ships, i dont even think they're the one i wanted... i'm stil hoping, and praying.
as much as i had known that we're no longer lovers, i had hoped that she doesnt totally cut me off from her life... i still wanted to be a good friend to her. in life, there's not many chance to find someone who understands and knows me like she did, so if we cant be a pair of lovers now, then let us be good friends, where we can support each other in times of need. i had failed to treasure her as my girl last time, i dont wana miss the chance to treasure her as my good friend... L, if u're reading this,i'd want to apologize for the past. i'm sorry. i want u to know that u have changed a few parts of me, and dat i'm sincere, and i have been honest with u all this time, as much as i had asked from u last time. all i am doing now is looking forward to the future.
guess for now i should stop writing... i must get back to my assignments which is due tomoro. i'll be seeing someone after passing up my assignments tomoro, in KL, but there's no need for me to get into details. i'll mention it if i think it's worth mentioning in my next post. for now, it's time for me to get back into the cockpit n engage the turbo boost afterburner! (burn midnite oil la!) till my next update, see y'all!!!
it has been 5 days since me n L has officially broke up... and within this 5 days, it has been very hard for me... i dont know about her, maybe she'd have R's company when she feels lonely, but truth is, i had none... i didnt know for sure what she thinks of our break up, but to me it's a bitter pill to swallow... and over this 5 days, after i scrolled thru my phonebook, i realised that i have no one to turn to, to pour my heart out and cry without reservation, save for only her...
however over the course of this 5 days i had mourned this, i too, have accepted the fact that me n her are no longer together... and every time i have flashbacks on my mind on how much i've loved her and times we've spent together, i prayed to the Lord, and i found myself calmer after every prayers.... on the net i've met some nice ppl who had offered me some advice and words of consolation and hope, and they promised to to pray for me too, so that i could be strong and take it as Lord's test for me... they said wat happened to me is not as serious and painful as some of them had gone thru, but as long as i put my faith and believe in His plan for us, i shall make it thru, like wat they had done. another person said something L had said to me before too... that if we r really meant for each other, God shall preserve us. i do hope that we can be together again... that i shall be the only man for her and vice versa.
i remembered i used to be a member of this yahoo online groups where christian youths from all over malaysia gathered and make friends. joined this group after a friend sent me a link, during my form 6 period when i was still having conflict with my parents... after years of non activity from me, i re-joined & visited it again last nite and i found myself pretty much welcomed by them, again... messages of consolation came pouring in, especially one from a young pastor in sitiawan, "one shall never lose hope no matter how hard times seems to be, for the darkest hour of the nite comes right before the dawn of a new day. keep your hope alive and pray hard, for the Lord has mercy for everyone who comes to Him." a few (quite pretty girls) even wanted to know more about me,(gosh, shudn't have put my photo online) and be "friends" with me but i dont think i'm ready for other "friend"ships, i dont even think they're the one i wanted... i'm stil hoping, and praying.
as much as i had known that we're no longer lovers, i had hoped that she doesnt totally cut me off from her life... i still wanted to be a good friend to her. in life, there's not many chance to find someone who understands and knows me like she did, so if we cant be a pair of lovers now, then let us be good friends, where we can support each other in times of need. i had failed to treasure her as my girl last time, i dont wana miss the chance to treasure her as my good friend... L, if u're reading this,i'd want to apologize for the past. i'm sorry. i want u to know that u have changed a few parts of me, and dat i'm sincere, and i have been honest with u all this time, as much as i had asked from u last time. all i am doing now is looking forward to the future.
guess for now i should stop writing... i must get back to my assignments which is due tomoro. i'll be seeing someone after passing up my assignments tomoro, in KL, but there's no need for me to get into details. i'll mention it if i think it's worth mentioning in my next post. for now, it's time for me to get back into the cockpit n engage the turbo boost afterburner! (burn midnite oil la!) till my next update, see y'all!!!
posted by Andrew at
1:09 pm
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